Change is a good thing...

At least, I guess it is.

I never quite know wether I like or dislike change. I think I like the idea of change, and I can live with it if it's change that I started. If it's change that somebody else started, I dislike it. I like to be in control, I guess. It's a flaw, but I kind of accepted I'm a controlfreak. I'm also very curious, something that is a plus in my line of work (journalism).

Anyway, this period is a period of huge change for me, and it will be from now on. I knew this was coming. I felt stuck in my life for a long time, just going to school, mostly doing things I wasn't extremely enthusiastic about, training my ass of for hockey, and working a job that's nice but pays extremely bad.

As I said. This is a period of change. Sunday is my last hockeymatch. I quit because next schoolyear I won't be able to combine it. I thought for a long time more spare time would make me happier. My weeks would be going to school and then having things to do usually 5 out of 7 nights. That didn't make me happy.

So I figured quitting hockey (because I had to, there was little choice), would make me happy. But turns out, it makes me sad. I'm dreading the moment where the referee whistles for the end of the match on sunday. It will be my last match with this team ever.

In the beginning I had a hard time fitting in, they had all been playing hockey since they could walk, and knew everybody on the club. I had only played for about three years, and had no experience being a goalie in such a high league. Slowly, with hard work, I became more confident and better in my goalkeeping, and I won everybody's respect. Now, two years later, after all the struggles I find it very hard to say goodbye. I guess you don't realise how big of a part something is in your life, untill it's gone.

I know next season I'll be able to explore more sports (I will always be doing sports, it's who I am), just maybe not for the first three months (which will be cray-zay for me, I've never NOT played sports for more than a month). I will be able maybe to dance again, or to go do pilates. We'll see. But for now, it really hurts me to quit something turns out I loved very dearly.

There will be more parts explaining why this is a period of change for me, but right now, this is the biggest change. Only a few more days and I'm an ex-goalie. I know I'm a drama queen, and there will be things to fill the gap, but it just hurts me right now.


Ps. the pictures are of my team. We were two times champions, once in the field league, once in the winter league (which is indoors)

Geen opmerkingen:

Een reactie posten